


Doritos and an Asshole

by Sageypie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doritos - Freeform, M/M, i think these tags apply..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 07:49:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4911286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sageypie/pseuds/Sageypie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Levi falls asleep in his familiar, terrifying reality, he finds himself waking up in Eren's odd world. Fun shenanigans. Great arguments.<br/>Onward!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doritos and an Asshole

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim. The title took me about 0.2 seconds to think of.
> 
> Enjoy~
> 
> sageypie17.tumblr

You know what sucks dick?

Becoming insane.

I have become insane.

Now I know what you must be thinking by this sudden statement. Why, Eren, do you think you are insane?

Heh heh, well, I never thought you’d ask Eren.

Now, if you think I’m crazy just because I talk to myself, you’re wrong. 76% of people have been reported to speak to themselves whether alone, or with someone else (that fact is a lie, but it helps prove my point so fuck it). I am insane because of a certain asshole.

 

“Eren, why the _fuck_ is your bed not made? How many times do I have to say to make your bed _before_ you take a piss?”

 

God…

“I did fucking making it!” I screamed at him, gesturing my arms dramatically toward my bed, “See? The sheets are flattened, the pillows fluffed, and look—” I snatched the Febreze bottle off my nightstand and sprayed the length of my throw with its ocean-y scent. “It smells like the beach!”

Levi’s nose was scrunched up, blatantly showing his disgust. “That’s how you clean your bed?”  he asked, incredulously. “You probably shower only using that shit, don’t you? Don’t stand near me again” He put up a hand and physically took a step back.

I sighed, secretly wondering if some higher-ups actually despised me up there in hoo-haa land. “Then how do you want me to clean it?”

“Take off your sheets,” he glared at my blanket, “and your throw. I _would_ have you wash it in a water basin but we lack it. Toss them into that washer whatever that you told me about earlier. Now.”

 

I just looked at him. “Now?”

He narrowed his eyes and his eyebrow gave its famous twitch, he leant to the side and folded his arms across his chest. “Did I _fucking stutter?_ ”

I narrowed my eyes to him, not answering but proceeded (reluctantly) to snatch my bedding and head to my small laundry room, mumbling, “Fucking prick, Stupid ass hobbit with fucking pencil eyebrows.”

“Ehhm.” I heard from behind me.

 

 

*

“Why, whenever you show up, you’re wearing that?”

“It’s not really a choice. It’s my uniform, so at least it’s familiar.” Levi said, looking down to fix his scarf or what he likes to call it: “I fucking told you, it’s a cravat!”

“So you _are_ in the military! I mean it was either that, or you were part of some interesting strip club. Huh…but aren’t you a little short to be in the military? Don’t you have to be, like, a certain height?”

He shot a glare in my direction. Startled, I almost tripped some uneven pavement. Almost.

“I don’t have to be tall,” he said, “to be good at what I do.” I took that answer as it is. Finally getting some information about Levi. He is usually quiet about details concerning himself.

 

I was walking to the convenience store when he just popped up out of nowhere beside me, like usual. He always wore the same military uniform with the embroidered symbol on his back. It wasn’t like anything I’ve seen before. “The Wings of Freedom” he called them before he slapped my head after I called it ‘cheesy.’ They were overlapping wings, but one was blue and the other was white. I’d grown to actually appreciate it’s liberating vibe. Levi’s uniform also consisted of tall, knee high boots, and leather straps wound tightly around his body. (You can see where I got the stripper thought from).

“So what exactly do you do? In the military, I mean. Is it like the military here? Do you know how the military is here, by the way?”

He gave a bored side-glance. “Well aren’t you curious today.”

“Well, if I’m stuck with you, I’d like to know what you do.”

He sighed and then proceeded to walk on.

 

…

“…Hello?”

He still didn’t answer. Is he mad again?

“Levi?”

He sighed again and said, “I don’t feel like talking about it, now shut the hell up.”

I gave him a suspicious look (which he ignored) but just continued to walk to the store.

 

*

I live in the city, but it’s hot. I have an apartment, but the lock doesn’t work so I have to put up a chair to the handle as a makeshift security system. My dog, Cherry, (my friend Armin named her) ran away last week and I still can’t find her. Oh! And I got a job at the local taco truck selling cheap dollar tacos to the pleasant hobos that live in Central Park in the mornings.

The other thing is, Levi showed up exactly 5 days ago. Yes, I counted because it’s been hell. Just imagine what it feels like to be at a shit summer camp with tons of mosquitos and shit food and you’re just counting down the days ‘til it’s over.

That’s exactly what it’s like to be with Levi (except he can cook, but I’d never admit that).

He showed up randomly in my apartment, near my TV and almost knocked over my floor lamp that costed me $5. He cursed and shoved a knife up to my neck, while I sat on my couch watching Game of Thrones whilst deep throating a Hot Pocket.

In simple terms, he caught me off guard.

Since then he’s been bossing me around like I’m his subordinate and calling me “fucking brat” when I didn’t put the toilet seat down or do the dishes after dinner.

 

*

“Here.” I held up a Dorito chip to his mouth, both of us sitting on my couch.

His grey eyes just stared at me…for a while, watching the orange dust fall from the chip.

I looked over to my stove clock…yep, about 2 minutes.

 

“Are you actually serious?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yes? And I washed my hands from the store, even under my nails. So it’s fine.” I urged the chip closer.

Before it touched his lips, his hand reached up to pluck it from my hand. Mental Note: His fingers were really cold.

He held up the chip and examined it closely. “Is it even edible?” he whispered.

I nodded, “Everyone eats it. Doritos are the bees knees here.”

He gave me a look…”Even I know that you should never say that again.”

“Oh come off it. It’s cheese flavored look!” I showed him the bag.

“Flavored?” his eyes bore into mine. “You mean that there isn’t _real_ cheese in here? You guys have _fake fucking cheese?_ ”

“It’s good. I promise,” purposely avoiding his questions while I gave him my award winning smile.

He sighed (he sighs a lot), and bit a piece of the chip off and chewed slowly, staring straight ahead.

His eyes seemed to glimmer after a while, “Well?” I asked.

His head nodded slightly “Not bad.” He smirked then ate the rest of the chip.

Mental Note: Levi likes Doritos.

 

*

You know what’s unfair?

Levi goes unnoticed.

He always right beside me, but people ignore him.

It’s frustrating, because he’s been stealing chips and coffee while the cashier doesn’t even bat an eyelash when we leave.

Is he some sort of bad cop, or something?

 

Since he arrived, I have been hypothesizing about what he could be. He pops up at random moment and it’s like he’s invisible. 

So, a ghost?

No, I can physically touch him.

He’s cold and he uses mind control so no one sees him.

So, a vampire? No he eats Doritos, he doesn’t drink blood.

I ask him and he says, “What kind of stupid question is that?” and then he gets up and walks into the kitchen to clean something, mumbling that I’m a “dumbass.”

 

I just don’t get it.

What could be a logical explanation for this phenomenon?

He has a life, I know that for sure, because he slips up and mentions things about oiling his gear, or his horse, or even people named “Hanji” and “Erwin.”

I gave up asking for now. He’s only popped in a couple of times every day and it’s only been for about an hour or two each time, also it’s always been in the evening.

But, I’ve noticed each time he comes in, he has a relieved expression on his face. I wonder what makes him feel this way. It can’t be my shitty apartment. Or my amazing cleaning abilities.

 

Hmm…

Snap!

“Hey.” Fingers in front of my face moved back. I looked over at Levi and see him watching me closely. “Isn’t this your favorite show or some shit? You’re being really quiet. It’s creeping me out.”

“Sorry. I was thinking.”

…

“About?”

Surprised, I stared at him.

 

Woah. He’s never been interested in what I think before.

 

“Well, I was actually thinking about what you are.” He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off, “I know it’s a stupid question but I’m honestly curious! What are you? How is this happening and no one can see you? Why are you here?”

He just looked at me silently, and then he averted his eyes down to his crossed legs.

“I don’t know how this is happening either. I _am_ human—”

 

Oh! He sharing!

“so don’t go thinking I’m some magical creature. All I know is, whenever I fall asleep in my quarters, I wake up to be here and see you in this odd world.”

“So, when you sleep in your world, you wake up in mine, right?”

“That’s what I have observed.” He nodded.

“But you only come a couple of hours at a time. Is time different here than it is in your world?”

He shook his head slightly, “I don’t think so. It’s about the same,”

He noticed my confused expression. “I don’t—I don’t sleep well. I wake up often.”

“Ah.”

He hummed.

“Also, do you sleep in your uniform?”

“No, I don’t it just happens to be what I wear when I’m here.”

“Oh.”

He crossed his booted legs and continued to read my copy of _A Clockwork Orange_.

Reflecting on what just happened, this must be the longest conversation that has ever happened between us. It made me feel jittery for some reason.

It was interesting that Levi said that whenever he falls asleep, he appears here. Is this like a dream for him? Does he remember me when he wakes up? Why does he appear near me every time? The questions keep flooding in.

But I don’t want to push him. Instead, “Do you want to try Cool Ranch?”


End file.
